


Together We Can Go Anywhere

by JemTheKingOfSass



Series: A Place For Us [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, I totally skip over the vacation, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Japanese Culture, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, M/M, Makoto/OC is for plot development, Social Issues, You'll see what I mean, i never know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 14:18:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemTheKingOfSass/pseuds/JemTheKingOfSass
Summary: “Haru, I want us to get married.”“I know that.”“Haru, we can’t get married in this country.”“Iknowthat.”“Haru, we can’t go to America or Australia or Spain to get married and come back here andbemarried,” Rin looked at him and made sure he was still following. Rin had never minded dealing with the details, but in this instance, the details appeared to make him furious.I hate the details.Haru sat down and looked at Rin. This was far too heavy of a conversation to be having before breakfast and a bath.This isn’t romantic at all. That must be killing him.





	Together We Can Go Anywhere

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you [@ladyzeia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyzeia%20) for peeking at this for me and for our discussions about Makoto! 
> 
> This story takes place roughly in current time (summer/fall 2017), Rin and Haru are about 26 and 27yo respectively (which I think is fairly canon compliant if it’s 2017, Haru is older iirc). I’ve always been a little fuzzy on the official timeline, so please bear with any small inaccuracies as to their ages or when the FINA swimming season actually ends (it was harder to parse that information out than I thought it would be).
> 
> TTISC - Tokyo Tatsumi International Swimming Center

> To all those kings we idolize,  
>  And all those dreams now realized.  
>  The future isn’t guaranteed,  
>  We're all just floating out at sea. 
> 
> There's a place for us,  
>  Where only we can go.  
>  So break down the door, knock out the lights,  
>  We're gonna be just fine.  
>  There's a place for us. 
> 
> We're marching to the beat out in the open air,  
>  And we're all just broken pieces trying to fit somewhere  
>  We wander around in circles and we talk in squares,  
>  But as long as we're together we can go anywhere. 
> 
> “A Place for Us” \- Fitz & the Tantrums

 

 

Haru opened his eyes, blinking slowly, adjusting to the darkness still shrouding the bedroom. He turned his head, expecting to see red. He always saw red in the morning, whether it was the first rays of the sunrise when he had an especially early morning training session, a mess of unruly and soft hair across the other pillow, or tired eyes equally uninspired to get out from under the covers. Some of Haru’s favorite moments were catching Rin still sleeping, at peace and unconcerned about the coming day.

 

This morning, the hurricane was already out of bed, as Haru saw nothing but sheets and a pillow on the other side of the mattress. Haru listened and tried to pinpoint where Rin was and what he was doing, but he couldn’t hear any noise in their apartment. Haru hoped he was making breakfast instead of running, researching, or cleaning, but hoping Rin was being unproductive was likely a misplaced wish. Haru decided to get up and find his boyfriend. 

 

_Fiancé._

 

Haru smiled softly to himself as he remembered that he and Rin now shared a new title together, albeit only temporarily, until they would be each other’s husbands.

 

_Husband._

 

Haru rolled this term around his head and decided he liked it and couldn’t wait for it to be official. It wasn’t anything he ever thought about or wanted on his own, but Rin made him want it. As Haru mulled this over and looked for Rin, he came upon his would-be spouse tucked under the _kotatsu_ , still in his sleep clothes, frowning, and staring off into space. Normally, seeing Rin in the morning made Haru smile because Rin was always at his softest in the early hours. However, the sour look of concentration threw off Haru’s pleasant musings and he grew concerned.

 

_I hope his back isn’t hurting._

 

Rin chose this moment to turn and lock eyes with Haru. His scowl deepened. 

 

“Haru, have you ever considered living in a city in Hyōgo instead of Tokyo long-term? A city like Takarazuka?”

 

_What?_

 

“Rin, why do you want to live in a city in Hyōgo?” Haru countered, thoroughly confused.

 

Rin looked surprised at the question. “Because rents in Shibuya are incredibly expensive.” He looked at his partner like this explained everything clearly. Haru felt like he had forgotten some important conversation about their future, where they must have discussed the rising prices of living in Tokyo and how those compared with other, seemingly random, cities in prefectures across the country. 

 

Haru blinked at Rin, feeling both tired and dense. “We don’t live in Shibuya. We live here in Kōtō, to be near training. TTISC is not in Shibuya.”

 

“I know that, Haru, but we’ll have to move wards to Shibuya. Or Setagaya, I suppose,” Rin ran his hand over the back of his neck as he thought out loud. “I guess we can’t get out of Tokyo until you officially retire.” He sighed. “There’s a senior high school swim coach position available in Takarazuka for next year, which is the perfect city for us and I want to apply before it gets snapped up. I don’t know if I’m fully qualified since I don’t have any coaching experience at all and they are hoping for someone with 3-5 years under his belt. I wonder if being a professional swimmer will help make up some of that difference? I wasn’t really wildly successful, but I wasn’t a failure either. Do you think a few top finishes at Worlds and one bronze Olympic medal make up for 3-5 years of coaching experience?”

 

Haru wasn’t sure if he was supposed to answer. He was still confused about the mental morning geographical excursion across Japan.

 

“Rin, Takarazuka is barely closer to Tokyo than Iwatobi is, we cannot live 6 hours from the swimming center. You know that. Why are you looking at swim coach positions so far away?” Haru was desperately trying to make sense of this thread of the conversation. 

 

“Haru, I want us to get married.”

 

“I know that.”

 

“Haru, we can’t get married in this country.”

 

“I _know_ that.”

 

“Haru, we can’t go to America or Australia or Spain to get married and come back here and _be_ married,” Rin looked at him and made sure he was still following. Rin had never minded dealing with the details, but in this instance, the details appeared to make him furious. “We need to get a partnership certificate. That’s the best we can do. And we need to be in like one of four cities to get that, but we can’t even be in all but two wards in Tokyo. And wait for the best part, Haru. For us to get any benefit at all of being married, we need to live in that ward or city.”

 

_I hate the details._

 

“Rin.”

 

“I know! So if I need back surgery after we’re ‘partners’,” Rin grimaced through his air quotes. “I had better pick a hospital in the right fucking location so you can use family visiting hours or make decisions on my behalf.”

 

Haru frowned. “Why am I making decisions on your behalf? What’s happened to your back now, Rin?”

 

“Focus, Haru!” Rin shouted in exasperation. “My back is not the issue here, it’s that we are limited in our options. Which is why this job in Takarazuka is so perfect! We can get our partnership certificate there and then live there and Iwatobi isn’t even that far away. We can be the most married we can be!”

 

Haru sat down and looked at Rin. This was far too heavy of a conversation to be having before breakfast and a bath.

 

_This isn’t romantic at all. That must be killing him._

 

“Rin, let’s go take a bath.” Haru stood back up and held out his hand.

 

Rin shook his head and looked regretful. “I have physical therapy soon, I need to hurry actually. Sitting in a cool, cramped tub isn’t going to make anything better for me right now.” He rose with a wince and stalked into the bedroom to get changed. 

 

Haru stood looking at where Rin had just been sitting, lost in thought. He watched his future shift to one after swimming, a future right out in front of him, so close he could touch it if he tried, a future that didn’t include swimming for his home country any longer. He saw Rin coaching, himself painting, a future with Rin as his partner. 

 

_But not my husband. Not here._

_Am I ready to give up swimming? I have three more years in me. I want to retire after Tokyo, not now._

 

Haru knew he couldn’t move to a city hours from team training. He knew Rin was aware of that as well. Usually his fiancé’s rapid-fire worries and detailed future mapping was something Haru enjoyed watching as a spectator. Haru didn’t like bothering with making long-term plans and trying to predict what could go wrong. He much preferred Rin steering the ship and getting them settled in whatever direction they went next. 

 

Rin hustled out of the bedroom and went over to give Haru a quick hug.

 

“Good morning, Haru. I’m sorry I was so irritated before, I’m just frustrated is all. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you and I should have said ‘good morning’ before anything else.” He squeezed Haru and then released him, walking to the door to slip on his shoes.

 

Haru watched him get ready to leave, knowing there were many conversations in the near future. Conversations Haru didn’t want to have with Rin, involving patience and acceptance and compromise, things Rin lacked on the best of days. Conversations about things they probably should have discussed a few weeks ago, after Rin’s poor prognosis and hasty proposal. 

 

“See you later, Rin. I should be home by 4:00 this afternoon. Or you can swing by Tatsumi to pick me up after practice, I’m sure everyone would love to see you.” Haru felt like he was pleading with Rin and he didn’t like how he sounded. Rin had been shockingly calm about his forced early retirement, but Haru sensed there was resentment lurking under the surface, since Rin hadn’t come to the swimming center in weeks.

 

Rin paused in the doorway, and if Haru hadn’t known him so well he would have missed the flash of disappointment in Rin’s eyes, before he gave a small smile and agreed to meet Haru outside the venue after practice.

 

Haru looked at the clock and realized he did not have much time before he had to leave for off-season training, so went into the kitchen to get started on his mackerel and toast, his head full of concern for Rin and his future.

 

_Their future._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Haru, you don’t have to come with me, it’s barely more than a physical. I’m sure nothing is wrong._

_Haru, don’t be dramatic, it doesn’t suit you. I’m sure my back is fine, it was a long season. Nothing a little time off won’t fix. I’ll be back home right after it’s over._

_Haru, I’m sorry I’m late. It took longer than I thought._

_Coach was at my appointment. He didn’t trust me to relay the information to him accurately._

_Haru._

_My swimming career is over._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Haru couldn’t keep his mind on swimming. His stroke felt slow, his legs were not moving right, the water pushed back. He missed Rin’s presence in the pool. He missed seeing him hanging over the lane lines, watching Haru instead of doing his own cool-down. He missed the toothy grin any time they were on the starting blocks together. He missed hearing that damn goggle strap snapping against the back of Rin’s head. Haru was more than capable of swimming without his partner in the pool. Over the years as professional swimmers, they were separated by competitions more times than they shared competitions. 

 

Haru knew he was thinking too much, instead of just feeling and embracing the water.

 

_Did I think he would do nothing except travel with me over the next few years?_

 

Haru tried to imagine Rin doing nothing but following Haru’s career through the next three seasons. He pictured him lounging around hotel rooms, waiting for Haru to finish his daily swim practice, weight training, or dry land sessions. He saw him up in the stands, cheering for Haru and the rest of his former teammates, watching someone else swim the 100m and 200m butterfly and freestyle events. He thought about Rin seeing the next medley relay team unfold with someone else on the butterfly leg. 

 

_I can’t see Rin being so still._

_I don’t_ want _to see Rin being so still._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Haru._

_I was going to wait until after the 2020 games, but this is all I think about lately. We’ve been together for years and it’s been amazing. We’ve shared our swimming dream together, now I want to share the next dream together._

_Haru, I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone._

_Haru, I know you love me more than I ever thought I deserved to be loved._

_Haru?_

_Will you marry me?_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Haru dragged himself out of the pool to stretch. He was a little early, but knew he was accomplishing little by swimming the last 300 meters of his program for the day. He checked in briefly with his coaches and called casual farewells to his teammates, then made his way to the locker room for a quick wash, knowing he would soak away his thoughts in the privacy of their _ofuro_ later. 

 

Haru waited for Rin at the front of the swimming center, finished with his post-training routine. He gazed up at the red sculpture in the front of the building, set against the blue of the clear afternoon sky. 

 

_Red and blue. Sharing the space. Red and blue. Individual colors working together, complementing each other._

 

“Oi, Haru!” He lowered his head to locate the source of the greeting. 

 

Rin smiled with his whole face and met Haru with a tight hug. 

 

“How was your therapy, Rin?” Haru inquired, pleased by his partner’s upbeat mood.

 

Rin shrugged with one shoulder. “It was alright, I suppose. Painful, but it usually is. Nothing that hurt more than swimming over the past year. She thinks if I keep up with all my exercises I’ll be able to swim again.”

 

Haru’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’re coming back?”

 

“Not professionally. Just, you know, I can swim casually. With you. Or showing high schoolers the proper form, reminding them who’s boss if they get too lippy and I need to beat some of them down by kicking their asses in a race. I’ll be a more effective coach if I can kick asses in the pool, Haru,” Rin smirked, although he looked a little more strained. “How was practice?”

 

“I missed you in the water, Rin.”

 

Rin’s face froze. He removed his arm from Haru’s shoulder and Haru missed what he thought of as his fifth limb immediately. He thought about reaching down to grab Rin’s arm and slinging it back around his neck, to put it back where it belonged. 

 

“Rin.”

 

“Let’s go home, Haru.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The two men sat together in their kitchen, after bathing, eating, and ridding themselves of another day in their new separate routines. Haru leaned over to strain the tea and pulled two cups towards him so he could pour the hot beverage for them both. Rin watched Haru’s hands, avoiding his face for as long as possible.

 

“Rin.” Haru looked up as Rin raised his head and saw nothing but red. Beautiful, mesmerizing red. “What do you want?”

 

“Haru, all I talk about is me and what I want,” Rin countered. “I need to know what you are thinking. I feel like I decide everything and I don’t want to push you into things you don’t want, things you can’t see for yourself. I love you, but if you don’t want-” He broke off, shaking his head, hair softly swishing against his cheeks.

 

“I love you, Rin,” Haru calmly assured him. “I want to be married to you. I want to swim with you. But most of all-”

 

Rin interrupted and looked distraught. “You can’t have those things, Haru! We can’t get married and I can’t swim with you anymore, not really. The most we can have is a stupid certificate that is worthless throughout most of Japan. And I would give my left nut to get back in the pool with you, to wear our country’s colors, to go to Hangzhou for next year’s Worlds, and swim the damn medley with you again! I want more golds, I want more time, I want more. I want more with you. With you, Haru! I need you.”

 

“All I want is you,” Haru leaned forward and grasped Rin’s hands.

 

Haru watched Rin’s face. He looked frustrated, he looked upset, he looked close to tears. This was not the first time Rin had dived too deep into his own mind for Haru to reach him. Haru never left him to drown, but Rin always needed to get closer to the surface on his own. He couldn’t hear anything when he was emotionally submerged in deep water, not even gentle tugs from Haru lured him up to take a breath. Haru released Rin’s hands.

 

Rin immediately stood up, harshly pushing back his chair. “I need to get out of here,” he mumbled as he walked away. “It’s not you Haru, I just...”

 

Haru didn’t catch the end of what was said, as the other was practically running to the front door.

 

_You’re 26 years old, Rin. Are you always going to run away from hard conversations?_

_I know you need space. But we have to talk about this._

_Together._

 

Haru cleaned up the tea and decided to head back into the tub. He still had his jammers on as he sunk his body down into the cool water and submerged his head to escape and sulk about Rin’s immaturity. As he opened his eyes underneath the water, he realized perhaps he hadn’t changed as much as he should have either for nearing the age of 30. He got back out of the tub with a sigh and reached for his towel. 

 

_I need to find him. We can’t run away from any of this._

 

Haru reached the front door, still damp, but figured he’d finish drying off during a lengthy search for his fiancé. He slid open the door as he was still slipping his feet into loafers. He raised his head and his vision was full of red, a hand hovering on the other side of the door handle. 

 

“You’re back already?”

 

“I don’t want to run away from you. I think I’ve done that enough for an entire lifetime,” Rin declared as he reached out for Haru. He grabbed Haru’s hands and held on tightly. Together they moved towards the living room and settled in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Haru, do you think we can do this for another 8 years? Can we make it until the Olympics is at home?_

_I think that would be amazing if we are lucky enough to swim professionally that long, Rin. Together._

_I don’t know that I would even want to swim anymore if you aren’t doing it with me, Haru. I need you with me._

_I’d rather be washed up on dry land for the rest of time if swimming meant being apart from you, Rin._

_Tch, Haru. Don’t be such a sap. Dolphins and sharks are made for the water. We won’t ever be beached for too long, even if it’s not international competitions._

_I think you’re right, Rin._

_Plus, we’re only 21 years old, Haru! We still have forever to swim!_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Rin,” Haru began for the second time that evening. “What do you want?”

 

Rin took a deep breath and gathered the courage to bare his soul to the person who needed to see it.

 

“I don’t want a partner certificate and I don’t want to sit around idly waiting for you to retire. I want to be married to you, really married to you, so everyone can see. I want to begin the next part of my life, even if it means being away from you a lot of the time until after Tokyo. I think I’ll actually be pretty damn good at coaching, better than I am even at swimming. I want you to keep swimming, keep working on our dream for as long as you can. I want to be optimistic enough with my situation that I can fully support your swimming, with my whole heart. I want to do therapy on my stupid fucking traitorous back _now_ , so that I can swim with you in the future. I can’t end up banned from the pool, like Sousuke. I can’t. I want to adopt kids even though I know that’s impossible here. I want forever with you, Haru. I want everything with you, Haru. I want you to be happy and I want to be happy, too.” Rin finished his soliloquy and looked up at Haru shakily while he waited for a reaction.

 

Haru took a long while digesting everything he just heard.

 

“Well,” Rin prompted as he nudged Haru’s foot. “What do you want?”

 

“Rin.”

 

“I’m listening,” Rin responded and nervously tapped his foot against Haru’s thigh.

 

Haru lifted his mouth into a small smile. 

 

_I love you so much, Rin._

 

“That was my answer.” 

 

“Tch, Haru. Nothing is that simple.” Rin rolled his eyes so hard, Haru was convinced he could see his brain.

 

Haru gazed at Rin, again astonished that this man he cared so much about could be so impossibly dense about these matters. He always made everything so complex, so tangled. He got worked up over things that hadn’t even gone wrong yet. He spun in so many circles, he got dizzy before even getting on the ride. 

 

_Maybe I oversimplify things sometimes, but this is easy to understand._

_Why can’t you understand, Rin? Why do you force me to do so much talking?_

 

“As long as we’re together, we will work it out. If you think partner certificates are a waste of time, then we won’t get one. I’m happy just being with you, committed to you. I don’t need a piece of paper declaring that,” Haru took a deep breath. 

 

_How can you not know this already?_

 

“If you want to coach, then coach. If I can keep swimming while you do that, that’s fine. I feel like I have more swimming in me. But Rin, if your new dream takes you too far away, my old dream isn’t one that I want anymore. You taught me years ago that I could find a dream if I looked hard enough, that I just had to reach out for it and take it for my own.”

 

_I want everything with you, too._

 

“I think I rushed the proposal,” Rin interjected, jostling Haru from his thoughts. “I think I needed to feel like I was doing something since I wasn’t swimming.”

 

_What?_

 

“You don’t want to be engaged?” Haru needed clarification on Rin’s latest bomb. He blinked, trying to clear his vision when the red suddenly looked dull and blurry.

 

“Would you be happy living forever somewhere that isn’t Japan?” Rin asked, staring at Haru like he needed eye contact to sustain life.

 

Haru did not need to consider this question for too long. He knew it wasn’t what Rin wanted to hear. “No. This is my home, this is the country I compete for, this is where Makoto will return. I belong here.”

 

Rin nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. Blue eyes watched him fidget and process his thoughts.

 

_I love when he scratches at the back of his neck like that. He's done that since he was 12 years old._

 

“So you want to be with me in Japan, in any way we can be together. I would go anywhere in the world that you and I could get married and shout from the rooftops that we’re husbands.” Rin looked dejected, like his mind whirled a mile a minute for any solution to prevent heartache. “What do we do?”

 

Haru stared at Rin, the problem solver, the detail coordinator, the man who could worry enough for 6 grown adults.

 

_Am I supposed to have the answer?_

 

Haru shrugged. Rin looked lost.

 

“Rin.”

 

Rin looked up at Haru, his expression clearly expecting the answers to the world’s problems to come spilling out of Haru’s mouth. 

 

_Rin steers the ship, I’m just a passenger._

_No. We’re co-captains._

 

Haru thought for awhile and then he found himself speaking. “Let’s Skype Makoto. We’ll do it now, so he’s awake and we can try to catch him before work. If we hurry, we can catch him before he needs to leave.”

 

“Huh?” Rin eloquently responded.

 

“I want to talk to Makoto,” Haru insisted without further explanation.

 

Rin shook his head and rose to his feet. “I’m going to head out for a run. I don’t have the emotional energy to stay here and pretend to be fine for Makoto.”

 

“I don’t think you need to-”

 

“Haru, I just can’t right now.” Rin shuffled over to kiss his partner’s forehead and then retreated to their bedroom to change into exercise clothing. 

 

_I’ll figure this out for us. I’ll take care of the details._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_I’m going to London, Haru! I’m going abroad for two semesters to get my Master’s degree in teaching psychology._

_It’s only offered at Oxford, I can’t stay here in Japan and study exactly what I want._

_I don’t mind going back to school, Haru. I can do what I want with this degree! I’m so excited to keep pursuing my dream!_

_Of course I’ll miss you. I always miss you when you’re away swimming. You and Rin. This time it’s my turn I guess._

_I don’t know if I’ll be going back to Japan, Haru. There are a lot of teaching jobs in London and I’ll make so many local connections. Plus, Rin thinks I’ve gotten pretty good at English._

_I think I’m going to stay in England, Haru. London is so amazing and I’ve got this great job now and there are some wonderful people here._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Good morning!” Makoto’s voice rang out over the computer speakers, as his smiling face beamed at Haru. “It’s been awhile since we’ve video chatted.”

 

“9 hours is bothersome,” Haru replied, feeling guilty.

 

Makoto just laughed and shook his head, unfairly wide awake for having just gotten out of bed.

 

“Makoto.”

 

“What is it, Haru?” Makoto looked concerned at Haru’s somber face.

 

“Are you staying in London for a long time?” Haru had no patience for skirting around issues and needed information. He didn’t want to let Rin be upset any longer than he already had been, and one thought had been doing laps in Haru’s head since he decided to tackle this problem head on. “In 10 years, do you think you might still be living there?”

 

Green eyes widened on the screen. “Umm, well. Haru, I have a job here that’s, uhhh-”

 

“What is it?” Haru inquired.

 

“Haru, I’ve been meaning to call you, but I think I was waiting until I came back home to visit. You know how I’ve mentioned Olivia like a million times? We teach at schools in the same neighborhood so I see her all the time now. I noticed how amazing she is and I asked her out and it’s going really well and I think you’ll love her when you finally meet her. She’s so smart and just incredible with kids! She works with children older than I have patience for, I don’t know how she handles middle school kids as well as she does but she is so patient and kind and oh! She’s funny, she makes me laugh all the time. She’s from Reading, which is near London, and she has shown me so many things and I like this city more than I ever thought I would, even more than I liked Oxford,” Makoto trailed off, after he realized he had been rambling for quite some time. “I love her Haru, I’m in love with her and, well, uhhh, I think I want to ask her to marry me someday.”

 

“Marry you?”

 

“It seems sudden to you I’m sure, but we’ve known each since I got over here and, ummm, we just click and we’re not that young anymore and we both want a family, there doesn’t seem to be a reason to wait,” he rushed out, as though expecting his best friend to fight him on planning his engagement. “I think I need you to meet her though before I ask her. It doesn’t feel quite right that I could marry someone you have never met. I need to know you love her too.”

 

Haru looked away from the screen, a slight frown marring his face. He didn’t do well with change, much less the prospect of Makoto never returning to his home country, returning to him. 

 

_Makoto getting married? Never coming back? Wait._

 

Abruptly, Haru remembered both the self-serving purpose of this conversation and how fulfilling and wonderful it was to be in love with someone. He truly was happy for his best friend. He turned a small smile back towards the camera. 

 

“I’m happy for you, Makoto. I want to meet her,” he stated. “I’m thinking it’s time we took a vacation anyway. I wonder if Rin wants to head back to London? We weren’t really able to sightsee in 2012.”

 

Makoto couldn’t contain his excitement level, which was obscene for his time of the morning. “That would be fantastic! You should come as soon as possible! I can’t wait for you both to finally meet Olivia. She’s pretty excited to meet you, too. She watches any swim meet that Team Japan is racing in. I’d love to think it’s because she knows I used to swim, but she seems far too interested in the butterfly races for me to believe that. I think she has a crush on your man, Haru.”

 

_My fiancé._

 

Makoto was still chuckling. “I’ve got to head to work! Keep me updated on your travel plans!”

 

Haru wished Makoto farewell and closed the Skype window. At that moment, Rin panted back into their apartment and settled next to Haru to do his cool down.

 

“How is Makoto?” He huffed out.

 

Haru looked up, having planned to avoid the topic with Rin while the redhead was still mired in confusion over his disappointment with their own situation. “He’s really good.”

 

Rin smiled. “That’s awesome to hear. What’s new with him?”

 

“You should have just stayed to talk to him if you’re going to be so nosy,” Haru pointed out with a scowl. 

 

“Jeez, alright, I’d just rather talk to you when I’m like this. Nevermind, forget I asked,” Rin continued stretching in silence. 

 

Haru felt like the tension was building so he quickly spoke as Rin was getting up to leave the room, finished with his post-run ministrations. “Makoto started dating that Olivia person and they are in love with each other and he wants to marry her.”

 

Rin stopped and looked down where Haru was sitting. His face was oddly devoid of expression. “That’s nice for Makoto, I’m glad for them.” He forced a tight smile. “Thank you for telling me. I’m going to take a shower and hit the sack. Goodnight, Haru.”

 

Haru watched him shuffle away. He had been about to shut down his laptop when Rin had come home from running, but now he had renewed vigor to research the second leg of his mission to find the solution to the Rin-Haru life dilemma. He found his search bar and tapped out “LGBT rights in the United Kingdom”, then hit enter.

 

After hours of clicking, scrolling, and reading, Haru closed his computer, still wide awake despite the late hour. 

 

_Same-sex marriage legal since 2013. Same-sex couple adoption legal since 2005. Lawful protection from discrimination since 2007._

 

He reached for his sketchbook to release both euphoria and stress. He drew and jotted down thoughts for awhile longer until, finally, the time caught up with him and he ambled to the bedroom.

 

As he slipped under the sheets, Rin performed his unconscious nightly ritual of rolling over and flinging an arm over Haru’s waist. 

 

_This is home._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Why have we never traveled for pleasure?” Rin asked with a bright, awake smile on his face.

 

Haru looked over at him, thinking only of his bed. “We travel for swimming more than I want to already.”

 

Rin scrunched up his face. “Only you travel for swimming now, Haru.”

 

_He’s so beautiful._

 

“Aren’t you exhausted, Rin? Flying makes me tired.”

 

Rin flicked his gaze skyward. “Everything makes you sleepy, you big baby.”

 

“You didn’t rest on the plane and getting out of Haneda is maddening, plus the whole trip was so last minute I feel like we’ve done nothing but rush around for the last few weeks. How are you not tired?” Haru couldn’t believe Rin was so full of energy.

 

“It’s the middle of the morning!”

 

“I’m going to take a nap, Rin. Come with me,” Haru held out his hand, knowing his touch-obsessed partner rarely missed an opportunity to snuggle.

 

As they settled in bed, Haru could feel Rin still pulsing with energy, He closed his blue eyes and felt himself start to drift off when Rin’s voice, sounding softer than usual, piped up.

 

“I really like Liv, Haru. She’s perfect for Makoto.”

 

Haru nodded. “She’s bouncy.”

 

Rin’s full-body laugh shook the bed. “Bouncy! Yeah, I know what you mean. But, uhhh, I like that she really pushes him to think about himself and challenges him to be his best self, you know? It looks like she makes him happy.”

 

Despite knowing that Makoto and Rin were close friends themselves, Haru loved any moment that one of them showed proof of that bond to him. It made him feel like things had fallen into place, and as though he was part of something bigger.

 

_It’s always Rin pushing me to look outside myself to see beautiful things._

 

Haru felt the bed shift as Rin rolled over to face him. “Are you still awake?”

 

Blue eyes cracked back open in silent assent.

 

“What did you think of London?”

 

Haru paused, not sure how serious Rin wanted to make this conversation. “I feel like I know all the top rated gay bars in the city. I will be finding glitter in unspeakable places for weeks.”

 

Rin’s laughter rang out again as he heartily agreed. 

 

_So beautiful._

 

“I really liked Vogue Fabrics. I think I missed my calling as some fashion designer’s muse. I got some great inspiration at that club for how I need to dress from now on.”

 

“You looked good the whole trip, Rin. I didn’t know you owned so many beanies or that your tight pair of black jeans is actually one of four pairs of tight black jeans. Can you even breathe when you wear those?”

 

“Look who’s talking, at least I can control my behavior. I couldn’t believe you at that one place, Heaven I think? Wherever Gay Porn Idol night was.”

 

“That was a fun event.”

 

“Jesus wept Haru, it wasn’t a stripping race!”

 

“Makoto looked uncomfortable when I did that.”

 

“So worth it. You’ve never had more fans. And all that time people thought they only liked the Gherkin in the financial district.”

 

Haru felt the tips of his ears turn red as he tried to steer the conversation away from where it had traveled from his joining a stripping competition into mentioning a giant phallus. “He seemed like he was having a good time though, right?”

 

“Are you asking me?” Rin looked at Haru in surprise. “Tch. We’d have spent the whole week at Yard if Makoto had his way. Thank goodness Liv planned all the after dark outings. We only have a few more legit clubbing years in us before we’re old and settled. We can do low-key bars when we reach 30 years old. But yes, I think Makoto had a really fun time humoring us. We were perfectly respectable Japanese tourists during the day.”

 

_Japan. Land of the Rising Sun. Red._

 

Haru frowned, wide awake and his good mood of 10 seconds ago evaporated with that one thought. “I represent Japan when I swim.”

 

“We all represent our countries all the time, even the billions of people who aren’t sporting flags on their clothing,” Rin countered, looking a little stunned at the shift in atmosphere. 

 

“What if I don’t like everything my country stands for?” Haru questioned so quietly he wondered if his partner could even hear him.

 

Rin glanced at Haru, and paused as if seeing something in his eyes for the first time. “It’s still your country, it’s still your home.”

 

_Home._

 

“Rin.”

 

_Rin._

 

“What is it, Haru?”

 

_Makoto._

 

“Haru? What’s the matter?”

 

Haru turned over and pulled the blankets up to his ears. “Nothing, Rin.” He closed his eyes and tried to quiet his thoughts and let exhaustion pull him under.

 

_Red is supposed to be free._

_Red pushes me, opens my eyes, lifts me to heights I didn’t think about reaching for._

_Red isn’t supposed to hold me back._

_Red. Japan. Home._

 

Haru gave in to sleep, immersed in the last thought that popped into his head.

 

_Rin._

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Haru felt himself gently shaken awake, groggy and tempted to keep his eyes firmly shut. A warm hand remained firmly on his shoulder.

 

“Haru,” Rin whispered. “Coach called me since you weren’t answering your phone. He wants you to come in today for a light practice, since you told him ahead of time you weren’t going to do any swimming for 10 days and gave him your exact itinerary. He knows you’ve been home since this morning.”

 

Haru grumbled incoherently.

 

“I’ll go with you.”

 

Haru sat up immediately. “You’ll what?”

 

Rin smiled at him. “I love you, Haru. I know you want me to come back to Tatsumi and I’ve missed watching you. It’s been more than two months, and I’ve been a shitty boyfriend about it, but I need to see you in your element again, in person. I don’t think I’ll have many opportunities soon.”

 

_What?_

 

Now Haru was completely conscious and more than a little concerned. “Why?”

 

“Well,” Rin looked a tiny bit uncomfortable, but his eyes were lit up with enthusiasm. “I got a response from the school in Takarazuka, Nishi Senior High? They want an interview! I meant to tell you more about the job when I first brought it up, but we got sidetracked that night. The swim club is brand new, they just got funding and support so it’s inaugural year will be 2018. Everything starts in April.”

 

_Wait. What?_

 

Rin was still talking animatedly. “They have a really strong commitment to English there and are hoping I’ll be willing to be an official tutor in the language. They thought I would be disappointed that there wasn’t an immediate English teaching position open, but I don’t know if I even want to teach at all. Coaching is one thing. Teaching is Makoto’s thing, I don’t know if I have the patience.”

 

_Stop. Slow down. Are you leaving me here alone?_

 

“Their school mottoes are ‘Independence’, ‘Self-Discipline’, and ‘Selflessness’, Rin chuckled with self-deprecation. “I’ve got the first two down but I might struggle with the third. I’m way too selfish for my own, hell, for anyone’s own good.”

 

_Yes, you are._

 

Rin looked at Haru, waiting for a reaction of any kind. 

 

“When did you apply?” Haru managed to get out, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray the turmoil he was felt.

 

“Right before we left for London,” Rin cautiously answered, accurately reading the strained atmosphere in the room, now that he had stopped babbling about his new job opportunity. 

 

_Rin, you’re an idiot._

 

Haru lifted himself off the mattress and immediately stalked out of the bedroom. He located his luggage and rummaged around in his messenger bag until he found his phone. He saw a couple missed calls from his coach. He hit the button to call back and promptly told his coach he would be unable to make it in to training this afternoon. The coach was not pleased, Haru didn’t care.

 

_Annoying._

 

“Haru?” Rin entered the living room. “Why aren’t we going to TTISC this afternoon? I thought-”

 

“Rin, stop,” Haru held up his hand, silently begging Rin to keep his mouth closed so Haru could gather his thoughts without feeling rushed. Red eyes widened and mercifully red lips stayed shut.

 

Haru sighed deeply and kept his palm facing Rin.

 

_Details._

 

“I don’t want to live hours apart from each other. We’ve known each other since we were 12 years old. We haven’t spent much of that 15 years in the same place. You say it’s only 3 years, but it’s _another_ 3 years.”

 

_We belong together. We always have._

 

“Australia, Samezuka, Australia again, conflicting competitions, different strokes which meant separate training schedules, now Hyōgo prefecture?”

 

_Details are irritating._

 

“You aren’t even swimming with me anymore.”

 

Rin looked anguished, like Haru was the arresting police officer who had just read the list of charges against him. And then kicked his puppy. 

 

“When you took me to Australia, you opened my eyes, Rin. I saw a world I hadn’t thought I could be a part of, not the way you had seen it for yourself for years. I thought I was stealing your dream, if I took it for myself. But you made me realize we could both have it, we could both live it, we could do it together.”

 

_Don’t cry, Rin._

 

“I have always admired how hard you push yourself, how you always expect so much from others but never as much as you expect from yourself, how much you are willing to sacrifice to get what you want. Rin. Don’t sacrifice me.”

 

“Haru.”

 

_Rin. I have a new dream now._

 

“Please, Rin. Let’s do this next step together, actually physically in the same place.”

 

“But you don’t want to be done swimming, Haru. You shouldn’t have to be, just because my body sucks.”

 

_Your body is glorious._

 

“You’re still in your prime,” Rin pleaded. “If you stop now there’s no going back if you change your mind down the road.”

 

_Let me do this. For me, for you, for us._

 

Haru shook his head, short black hair moving around his forehead. “I don’t want it anymore if I can’t be with you. I’ve always wanted to swim with you. I can keep going without you in the pool, but I can’t take your absence from our home too.”

 

Rin held so much water in his eyes, Haru wasn’t sure how his eyeballs weren’t drowning. 

 

“Do you want to move to Takarazuka?” Rin refused to beat around the bush.

 

_No._

 

“No,” Haru stated without any hesitation. Sometimes fewer words were better.

 

_Less confusing._

 

Rin tensed and recoiled from Haru. His face looked pained. “What? Why not? Do you think I’ll be a horrible swim coach? It certainly wouldn’t be the first time I failed at something I thought I’d be good at.”

 

_Maybe not._

 

“No, I think you’ll be amazing. You’re always amazing.” Haru needed to get this conversation back on track. 

 

_Right. Rin needs more words._

 

Haru turned and leaned forward to grab his fiancé’s hands and pull himself closer. Their heads were only inches apart. He ran his gaze over Rin’s pretty face, wanting to take the time to count his eyelashes, smooth out his worry lines, kiss away tears, and discover any new freckles. He wanted to bask in Rin’s vibrant red.

 

_This is not a marriage proposal. This is better._

 

Haru took a deep breath. “Let’s leave Japan.”

 

“Huh?!”

 

Haru couldn’t stop the small smile on his face at the dramatic and completely predictable reaction. “When you talked about what you want, it’s obvious that living in Japan won’t make you happy. You being unhappy will never make me happy.”

 

“Oi Haru, stop saying ‘happy’,” Rin gasped out, sounding short of breath. A flush crept over his face.

 

_Red, red, red._

 

“I thought London was really nice. Makoto took me to see a few artist communities in the East End and South London. There’s a lot I could do there, I miss being around other artists like when I was at university. I felt more creative just being there. I can see us living there. Together.”

 

Rin smiled ruefully. “I miss seeing you sketch everything. That was the best part of traveling to competitions together, even though we didn’t get to do it often enough. I’d see things I would never have noticed if you didn’t stop to whip out your paper pad and charcoal.” Suddenly Rin’s brow furrowed again and he looked perplexed.

 

_I want to sketch you, you and your millions of expressions._

 

“Wait, Haru. You didn’t sketch anything when we we took our trip.”

 

Haru looked smug as he responded. “I knew we’d be back soon.”

 

Rin laughed, his eyes crinkling and his face glowing like he was lit up from within.

 

_I need to sketch you right now._

 

“You’ve been thinking about moving that seriously, even when we were over there, and you didn’t think to mention it?” Rin still snickered, but Haru knew it was a serious question.

 

“You applied to a job hours from Tokyo, right before we left, and didn’t think to mention that either,” Haru retorted petulantly, like a troubled child, but Rin merely nodded his head is agreement and shrugged his shoulders. 

 

“We’re both hopeless, Haru.”

 

“We’re full of hope,” Haru argued, as he let go of Rin’s hands. He leaned forward and gently placed his hands on Rin’s cheeks while tipping his face down so they were resting their foreheads against each other. Haru closed his eyes, and reveled in the moment. Rin placed his hand against Haru’s chest, right over his heart.

 

“Haru.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“We’re going to get married,” Rin choked out. The words sounded clumsy, spoken like he thought he’d never get to say them and have it be true.

 

Foreheads still connected, Haru felt their breaths mingle, heard their hearts beat together, and as he opened his eyes, his vision was full of red.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Haru decided to let Rin take control of an international move. He really did not want to bother with the endless minutia involved with a permanent relocation. Rin excelled at grabbing life by the horns and directing it where he wanted it to go.

 

_Rin steers the ship, but I’m his navigator, his co-captain._

_We’re in this together, working out the details._

_Together._

 

Haru preferred avoiding the troublesome tasks, like retiring from the Japanese men’s swimming team, locating a responsible subletter for their Kōtō apartment, hunting down a new affordable and safe flat from halfway around the world, finding Rin a high school swim coaching position in the London area, and informing the remaining Matsuokas that one of their own was again taking flight. 

 

Unfortunately, Rin refused to do all the legwork on his own, especially when Haru demanded to see all of the discarded apartment results so he could critique the bathing accoutrements, and fight to get those residences back on the list for consideration. Apparently, from then on, Haru’s obsession with doing things together was taken quite literally by his fiery, stubborn partner. Except for leaving Team Japan, that Herculean task was left to Haru alone. 

 

Before long, almost everything was in order. Rin was giddy with excitement, practically fizzing, as he finished up last minute packing of the things they would take with them on the airplane in two days' time. Most other items that were making the move had been shipped to their new address ahead of them. Signing a new lease was stunningly easy with the magic of technology, and Makoto had been gracious enough to obtain their keys for them from the leasing office. 

 

Haru watched Rin bent awkwardly over the couch, protecting his ailing back muscles, rooting around blindly for anything that had fallen underneath that he could get his hands on, just so he could look at it and decide it was definitively not worth keeping. Rin’s propensity to be sentimental did not translate into items. 

 

“For the third time, we should just move the couch before you reinjure yourself or get stuck like that, Matsuoka.”

 

“Aha!” Rin exclaimed as he tried to extricate himself from the couch cushions. He clutched a piece of folded, wrinkled paper. The elation on his face belied how quickly his hard-fought treasure would end up in the trash. “Like you wouldn’t enjoy watching my ass wiggling around until the end of your days, Nanase.”

 

“What is that?” Haru inclined his head towards the creased paper in Rin’s hand. 

 

Rin looked over with a grimace. “I don’t know, have you seen me look at it yet? Here, you discover the secrets it holds while I do some of my PT exercises.”

 

“Rin, I told you we should move the couch to look underneath.”

 

“That’s not helpful, Haru. I’m a moron, what can I say?”

 

Haru went over and took the paper out of Rin’s hand and placed it on the couch. “Here, let me help you.” 

 

Rin grudgingly lay down prone on the living room floor and allowed Haru to work at his lower trapezius and guide him through his more difficult exercises. Before long, it turned into a massage, which eventually turned into activities that reinforced why they were uprooting themselves in the first place, but did nothing to improve the condition of Rin’s back muscles. The controversial wad of paper was forgotten in the midst of more enjoyable pursuits.

 

In the middle of the night, Rin wandered out of the bedroom, on his way to the kitchen to get a drink of water for himself and bring a glass back to put on Haru’s side of the bed. He spotted the paper still sitting on the couch from earlier and, curiosity reignited, moved to retrieve it. He opened it and gasped. This was clearly torn out of Haru’s sketchbook and folded up, but undoubtedly lost under the furniture in the hubbub of the last few months. He wondered if Haru knew where it had gone, wondered if he was supposed to be seeing it, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

 

In the background was a sketch of Rin, done in multiple shades of red. His drawn self was fast asleep, turned on his side, curled into his childhood pillow, arm folded under to cushion his head, hair splayed across the mattress. He looked peaceful. Rin had never seen his face so relaxed, not in the mirror, not in pictures. “It doesn’t even look like me, I’m not that beautiful,” he mumbled to the empty room.

 

As his eyes moved across the sheet of paper, he began to read the words Haru had written in the foreground, over the drawing.

 

_Rin._  
_We have arrived_  
_At our wedding day._  
_We will declare our love_  
_To each other,_  
_Together._

_Rin._  
_You are such_  
_A beautiful person,_  
_Inside_  
_And_  
_Outside._

_Rin?_  
_Do you remember_  
_when all this started?_  
_When we were just two boys,_  
_Swimming,_  
_Sharing the water,_  
_Learning how to be friends._  
_Pushing, pulling,_  
_Sometimes hurting each other._  
_We learned, we forgave,_  
_We always came back_  
_Together._

_Rin?_  
_Can you remember_  
_A moment_  
_Before I loved you?_  
_Neither of us knew,_  
_All this time._

_Rin._  
_Ever since I_  
_Met you,_  
_I have_  
_Loved red,_  
_And I have_  
_Always_  
_Loved you._

_Rin._  
_I will_  
_Love you,_  
_Always_  
_And forever._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, I completely leapt over the Rin and Haru vacation in London. I wanted to focus on their engagement and life planning in this story, plus I didn’t know how I felt about fleshing out an OC in this (who I mostly just needed as a tool for Makoto to stay in the UK). And honestly, I still have no grasp of chapters and flow and Real Story Planning. _Gomen._
> 
> I posted this as part 1 of a potential series in case I decide to come back and write about their London vacation (which would ideally be light and funny) or revisit them for their wedding? Seeing as this story has no Sousuke and no Gou (a travesty of epic proportions), two people who would for sure be at their wedding, I left it open. 
> 
> All lgbtq facts/laws in this story were researched and legally accurate as of the posting date. I think I made this pleasant enough for Rin and Haru ultimately, but there were certain issues I had to force (at the expense of Makoto which I am not entirely thrilled with). I really struggled coming up with a realistic way for Rin and Haru to be happy and not resentful in their relationship long-term. If you have any personal experience with lgbtq acceptance in Japan that makes this less bleak, please share that with me! I’d love to hear anecdotal evidence that paints a brighter picture. 
> 
> If anyone is interested, here are the 6 cities/wards in Japan that allow same-sex partner certificates:  
> Shibuya, Tokyo  
> Setagaya, Tokyo  
> Iga, Mie  
> Takarazuka, Hyōgo  
> Naha, Okinawa  
> Sapporo, Hokkaido


End file.
